Tag Archives: homeschooling

Autism Life

Spinning to Success!

At Rhys’ three year developmental check, the health visitor sat with an assortment of toys and papers in front of her.
“Rhys, can you stack the blocks?” she asked, placing three inch square blocks in front of him.

Rhys paid no attention to the lady and casually placed one block on top of the next with no effort. He managed eight blocks all sporadically aligned but perfectly balanced.

I didn’t gasp in amazement or shine with pride at his efforts. Rhys built block towers all day long. He hadn’t followed an instruction, he had just seen blocks in front of him, and done instinctively what he knew and loved.

He failed every other test that day. He failed because every test required Rhys to follow an instruction. A bundle of words that were just noise to Rhys from a strange object that sat in our living room.

From that day on, he failed every “test” because of the communication and engagement element that is vital to prove Rhys could do something. It was the foundation to everything in order to move forward.

I had a little boy who could not talk, but even more relevant was that he couldn’t understand or process language. A simple request to a three or even four year old of “pass me that toy” while gesturing to it with pointing, made no sense to Rhys. The physical action of identifying an object coupled with words, was foreign to him and just a jumble up of sounds and hand movements.

My strategy was to get him to understand a handful of words and associated actions. Things we could build on, and add to engagement opportunities.

I would place an object in his hand and say “Take to Daddy”, initially taking him by the hand and getting him to deliver the object. Through repetition, these physical prompts associated with words, started to form connections in his mind that made sense. He began to follow the commands without fail.

Things were slow, but we kept on powering through.

As I sat on the floor this evening reading to Rhys’ older brother, Rhys sat playing with a Lego helicopter. He spun the propellers around, enjoying the motion. However Lego is only a pile of blocks at the end of the day, and a vigorous spin will always end in a disastrous way.

“Mummy, help Rhys” he asked, holding the propeller out to me. The decapitated helicopter lay on its side about a meter away from me on the carpet.

“Rhys, get helicopter” I said, pointing to the red lego toy.
“Mummy help” responded Rhys, touching the propeller in my hand, reconfirming his request.
I tried again but with a different word. “Rhys, helicopter here” once again pointing to it.
“Mummy help, broken” Rhys replied, getting slightly frustrated.
I gave it one last try, ” Rhys, pass helicopter”

Something triggered in his mind and in the split second that he looked at me, I knew something was about to happen. To my amazement, he followed my finger and reached for the helicopter, bringing it to my open hand.

Something turned in my tummy in excitement. I placed the propeller on top of the red roof, gave it a test spin and held it out for Rhys. Of all the action words I used, none were part of Rhys’ mental dictionary, until I used the word “pass”. The word “pass” was what made a difference today. The word “pass” is going to open up so many more opportunities going forward.

I held out the helicopter to Rhys, but before I removed my grasp I asked, “What do you say?”
“Thank you” he replied.

I smiled and eased my hand from the toy.

Things will happen when you least expect them, and often it is just slight changes like a different word or action, that result in amazing things.

I was so proud of Rhys tonight, as I watched him return to spinning the toy. I was proud at how far he has come and the development barriers we both break down together.

🚁🚁🚁🚁🚁🚁🚁🚁🚁

TOTS100 - UK Parent Blogs
TOTS100
Autism Life

A Mucus Worth a Second Look!

“He’s been sick!” came a scream from the hallway, “OMG! Come help it is everywhere!”

I jump up and run out of the lounge where I am greeted with my husband and a headless Rhys.
“It’s all over his hoody, help me get it off!”

The top has got wedged on Rhys’ head, the hood part gathered up around his neck, closing any gap which will allow us to get it off!

Rhys stands waving his arms around in his temporary blinded state, “Stuck, stuck” he shouts in a voice which is slowly moving to a tone of fear and potentially will end in only one outcome – one of meltdown.

“Watch his ears!” I shout – unsure why shouting is necessary, but seems to feel apt in these sort of situations. I push my fingers between Rhys’ neck and the orange material of the top, easing it over the one side of his head, but it pulls the other side tighter where my husband is attempting to do the same thing.

“We need to communicate!” he shouts, agreeing that panic shouting is necessary. Rhys adds his continuous screams for freedom, claustrophobia setting in.

We look at each other, a plan formed without the need for words. After a bit of agreed coordinated communication and team work, we somehow contort Rhys into some sort of gymnastic position and relieve him from his temporary restraint.

Rhys stands in the hallway, his bare arms poking out of the t-shirt, his little face one of confusion after the ordeal he has just had to be part of.

“Where was he sick?” I ask, still in a volume a bit to high for the situation, but my heart rate is still slightly elevated from the rouge hoody incident.

“There” says my husband pointing to the kitchen floor, while gagging, his mouth open and a paleness overtaking his face. (And he calls himself a man!)

The floor has that mucus type sick which is normally produced when the stomach has nothing left to throw at you.

I take a deep breathe and grab some kitchen roll and spray while Rhys gets a wet wipe and check over by his father.

As our panicked voices subside and we get on with our assigned roles, a little voice, which has been quiet for the last ten minutes, breaks through the silence.
“Make cakes?” it says. Rhys’ face has a questioning look, and still in a slightly confused state.

I look up bewildered, and slightly thankful that my son is feeling ok enough to engage with us.

Then my husband laughs, a little to loudly, and stops consoling his recently vomiting son.

“What’s so funny?” I say, while on my knees, spray in hand trying to return the floor to its recently polished, clean state.

“He wanted to make cakes!” confirms my husband, and then shows me the frying pan from the morning’s breakfast, containing a broken egg amongst some egg shells.

I look at the manky, used kitchen towel in my hand, small pieces of egg shell are visible amongst the mucus.

“I guess we are making cakes!” I say.

“Chocolate cake!” says Rhys.

“OK, chocolate cake!”

🍰🥚🤢🍰🥚🤢🍰🥚🤢🍰🥚🤢

TOTS100 - UK Parent Blogs
TOTS100
Autism Life

Discipline equals Freedom!

1 Comment

A lot of people will frown on my version of parenting. The version where the mantra “Discipline equals freedom” can be heard being chanted through the hallways. Along with questions of “Do you believe you earned it?” and “What do you think?”

Questions I direct at my child, instead of imposing my views on them.

It all started with a children’s book called ‘Way of the Warrior Kid by Jocko William, an ex-marine telling the story of how to be the best version of yourself. The concept of getting the tough stuff done to earn the rewards you define for yourself.


We have switched from telling my eldest what he should be doing, to asking him to plan what needs to be done.

When a request comes to have more television time or play Minecraft with his friends, I never say “no”, instead I ask “Have you earned it?”
To which the response is normally an immediate turn on his heals to complete his planned football practice or knock out a song on the keyboard.

We are not at this development point with my younger son Rhys yet, the challenges of autism and interaction make this a bit more difficult. But it is still something we have started to implement, and more importantly need to, in order to ensure structure, communication and predictability within his life. 

At the moment my eldest is providing the best training ground for us as parents to practice the method. We are implementing it slowly for Rhys, where a reward of an episode of the Gruffalo requires Rhys to engage with a puzzle game, or a request for an ice-lolly requires him to do a bit of writing.

Discipline equals freedom, or more realistically reward!

Now there will be those haters out there. The ones who believe kids should be kids and not be ‘bribed’ to get what they should rightfully just be handed. But I believe that our role as parents is to guide our children and show them how to live their lives to the fullest, and achieve every dream they envisage.

My son’s autism means that structure is more important than ever. Teaching how to get things done, plan your day and get the tough stuff out of the way first, are life skills we should all be teaching and supporting our children with from a young age.

By learning from a young age that (self) discipline equals freedom, and they will be able to achieve the impossible.

And if it doesn’t work, just have a glass of gin!

How do you parent your kids? What is your method?

TOTS100 - UK Parent Blogs
TOTS100
Autism Life, Autism Strategy

Changing It Up!

I lay out the word puzzles all in a row. The same way I always lay them out. The little wooden letters are scattered underneath, each letter face up, in the way it should be.

“Rhys, word puzzles” I say, and with luck he is next to me willing to participate. It took me ages in March to get him interested in the letters, but I persevered, and after a lot of chocolate, we had a system, a process of placing each letter in its slot and saying the word.

As Rhys chooses the first word, I let him find the ‘s’ and put it in its place. But as I turn around I see his new LCD writing screen on the floor, and a thought comes to mind.

As Rhys places the letters s, o, c and k into the puzzle, I write each letter on the little black screen mirroring his word formation.

“Rhys, sock” I say, pointing to the word I have written which corresponds with his wooden letters.

He is partially interested.

“Rhys, what letter next?” I ask, as I see the word duck as the next word in the sequence.
“D” he replies.

As he searches for the letter, I draw it on the blue tablet screen. “D” I say.

We continue with the process, Rhys slotting the letters into their place, while I write them down.

For now I just carry on in the background with my writing, as if it is purely for my own enjoyment!

For my son the key to change, is familiarity. Building on what he already knows and letting him get a sneak preview of what is to come. I don’t force him to write the letters or to take part in the change. I just casually implement a small change, all by myself to the side of him.

As we come to the last word, I continue with my prompting in the same way I have done all through the puzzle.
“What’s next, Rhys”
“S” he responds.

I pause but this time I don’t write the letter on my screen. A change to what I have been doing the whole way through the game. Two eyes look across towards me.

We wait.

Rhys then pushes my hand towards the LCD screen. He wants me to write the letter so he can do his part.

“S” I say, and draw the letter on the screen.
Rhys places the wooden piece in its place.

After doing the new game for the third time today, I pause for longer between letters, and await Rhys’ response. He waits and once again looks at me waiting for my action. But I wait, until he suddenly lifts the pen and writes the letter ‘i’ on the screen all by himself, then places the ‘i’ into the puzzle to continue the word ‘fish’

I am so proud.

Don’t feel you need to recreate the wheel or pull out something completely new.

Use a game, toy or activity your child already enjoys and add to it. If you open your mind, you will be able to create new ways of teaching letters, numbers, fine and gross motor skills.

Try just slotting in small changes to the current activity or do something along side.

Be patient and see what happens.

🔡🔡🔡🔡🔡🔡🔡🔡🔡🔡🔡

TOTS100 - UK Parent Blogs
TOTS100
Autism Life

Cakes Have Eggs!

‘Make salt dough decorations. Paint them and share a photo’

That was the home-schooling work for today!

I was full on dedicated to the task. I don’t think Rhys was as enthusiastic!

I measure out the ingredients – salt, flour and water. Placing them in separate containers ready for my little learner to pour them into the bowl.

Then I pause.

The whole setup looks very like cake baking. What do I call it when I ask Rhys? I can’t lie and say cakes, nothing like adding confusion to a situation.

I decide to be honest.

“Rhys, let’s make dough decorations” I say holding up the wooden spoon as a prop.

He happily walks with me to the kitchen. I have been clever (not an amateur at engaging with Rhys) and have ignored the Christmas decoration cutters, opting for numbers.

Numbers win every time.

“Rhys, pour flour” I say, helping him with the bowl. He pours it into the mixing bowl and lifts the wooden spoon to stir.
“Now salt” I add, handing him the second bowel.
He adds it to the mixture adding his own commentary, “Stir, stir, stir!”

I pour the water in and hope for a bit of sensory engagement, with finger kneading the dough. But as I mix Rhys immediately jumps down from the step.

“Rhys, come stir” I reiterate.
“Eggs!” He shouts back, pointing to the egg basket.
“No eggs. Dough Rhys”
“Eggs!”

I then look to the dough and back to my son’s face.

“No eggs, Rhys” I say once again.
He looks back at me, turns around and leaves.

I kneed the dough and start to cut out some numbers. Then I pause.

My son has buggered off, why am I doing his homework?

The then realise that I never actually turned on the oven. I must have somewhere deep down known the outcome of this.

I gather up the mixture and toss it in the food waste bin.

Screw that. Time for a cup of tea!

☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕

If you read it, like it.
If you love it, share it

TOTS100 - UK Parent Blogs
TOTS100