Tag Archives: strategy

A Cage Fighter or Just a Little Boy?

December 6, 2020 AMe

We are at that stage in my son’s life. That phase where he looks more like a cage fighter than my little blonde haired cutie.

He parts his lips to smile at me, but I am met with a gappy mouth. The loss of his top and bottom two teeth in the space of two weeks, has left him looking like (well if he was ten years older) someone you would not want to meet in a dark alley!

The first tooth loss came and went, with no fuss and was a pretty much a non-event. But things have changed.

Rhys stood this evening and watched his reflection in the window. The massive gap in his teeth reflecting back at him. He continued to babble, phrases from Hey Duggee and Peppa Pig flowing from his mouth in his own little muddled up conversation. He watched his mouth move and the gap flashing back at him from the temporary mirror. As he spoke, the words were interrupted with sobs and gasps for air. Tears flowed down his cheeks, and turning his face to me he whimpered “I’m sad”.

“Why you sad, Rhys?” I asked, trying to take him in my arms, but the comfort wasn’t accepted, and he pulled away, turning to communicate his pain to me with his hands, the words unable to roll off his tongue.

Then placing his fingers to my mouth, he tried to pull at my teeth. His tears rolling further down his face.

“Rhys, teeth will come back” I said, realising his confusion at the change that had happened so quickly. I looked to the table and saw his uneaten dinner. The feeling of biting into his crackers had put him off his food. Lunch lay untouched in the kitchen from earlier, a little boy who couldn’t face the strange sense in his mouth continued looking at me with confusion.

Once Rhys had realised that I understood why he was sad, he let me take him in my arms. He let me cuddle him, while his tears continued to fall.

To my other children the joy of a little fairy bringing a gold coin, in exchange for their teeth, is an event that they will wiggle every second of the day to bring closer. For Rhys, the exchange of money for his pearly whites, is a bizarre concept he is unable to comprehend. To Rhys he has no teeth where there used to be, and that is upsetting.

Rhys’ bottom teeth are coming through, his top gap is just gums. It is a change to the norm, and it will take some time to adapt to.

For now, cuddles are unlimited, while we step through another change in this scary thing called life!

I now just need to go and pull on my fairy wings and grab a bag of chocolate coins. Because chocolate makes everyone a little bit brighter.

🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷

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Autism Food, Autism Life

Move Over Mr Blumenthal!

December 4, 2020 AMe

The chore that every parent undertakes daily – the timely execution of the evening meal. Bring it on!

It always starts with excitement and the feeling of pride. The dream of it only taking fifteen minutes, in line with Jamie’s expectations, but really ending up with a few f’ing hells and fist throwing, in line with Gordon.

Either way, all the legitimate research has clearly demonstrated that the amount of effort and time you contribute to a child’s dinner, is equally proportionate to the speed and accuracy of aim when it is chucked directly back at you!

I failed to read the research!

I decided to coordinate a meal of bangers and mash. It wasn’t fancy, even the sausages were just standard pork, and the peas were good old Lidl’s own – frozen not fresh! I was however proud. Proud that I was making an effort in creating something as a result of my own labour, with more effort than just plying open a cardboard box of beige – which had been extremely successful last night. In hindsight it makes me wonder why I have deviated from the norm!

The smell of sausages emanate from the oven, as I whip up the potatoes with butter into a frothy consistency. Check me out Nigella!

I dish up one plate in the standard arrangement of mash, with sausages on top, peas on the side and all drizzled with gravy. I even make one of the sausages stand slightly erect – purely for my own giggle factor!

It looks amazing, a perfect home cooked meal. My ego is boosted more when my eldest happily accepts it, picking off the from the plate while in his travels back to the daily dose of YouTube. But then I look at the second empty plate and think for a few seconds. My younger son, Rhys, is autistic, and although sausages are a winner – potatoes, peas and gravy are not part of his dietary portfolio.

But there is one thing he does love – cake!

Going the extra mile, I get creative. With all the Heston imagination I can muster, I grab a cupcake case and start to spoon some mash into the green cup. Taking one pea at a time, I add them like sprinkles and finish with a little icing gravy.

I stand back and nod in amazement at my work.

Placing the mash ‘cake’ next to the ‘guaranteed to be consumed’ sausages, I take a deep breath of confidence and proceed to the front room, depositing the meal with pride in front of my son.

“Rhys, dinner” I say, and then pointing to the cake, I add “look cake”

Standing back I watch my son pick up the cupcake in his hands. It’s a bit squishy in texture, but he picks off one of the green sprinkles and places it in his mouth.

I mentally jump for joy as I watch my son, who only consumes a handful of items, eat something new. I have done it, I have found the secret method of new food introduction.

I might write a recipe book detailing different ways to present food. I will call it ‘The Food Disguise”!

But I am pulled from my aspirational dreams with the feeling of mush being forced into my hand. The handful of green is then increased as Rhys proceeds to take each one of the other green sprinkles from the cake and place them in the palm of my hand.

While I stand with a handful of peas, I grasp every ounce of hope that the potato will find its way into the taste test. My eyes wide with the urge to not miss the moment, I see Rhys lift the cake to his mouth and lick the soft fluffy contents.

I hold my breath and then exhale every piece of hope I had. My future recipe book lying crumpled in a virtual heap, a review on the back reading “With every pea comes a handful of mash!’

Rhys holds out his tongue as if it has been coated with poison. Taking the palm of his hand he wipes the potato from his tongue and then immediately discards it on his t-shirt. The cupcake case is tossed to the floor, landing in the scientifically correct way of potato side down!

Going back to the kitchen, I tear open a box of pizza. The round beige meal deposited onto the middle tray of the oven and the knob ramped up to 200°c.

“Ok Google, ten minute timer” I say, and ditching my chefs hat, realising that I have been defeated. There is only one option. To leave the virtual assistant to take the reins.

Autism Strategy, Toilet Training

Top Tips For Toilet Training when your Child is Autistic

December 3, 2020 AMe

Getting your child toilet trained is one of the hardest tasks for any parent, but when your child is autisitc and non-verbal, it provides even greater challenges.

But it can be done, you just need to gather a lot of patience, a support network and realise you are in it for the long haul.

Here are my top tips for toilet training when there is an autistic twist:

Follow the advice and steps from any toilet training search on Google. The general guidance is still the right way to tackle this. This includes reward charts, regular visits to the toilet, positivity and encouragement. Steps 2 to 20 below are the enhancements to the standard process.
Skip the potty and go straight to the toilet. You don’t want your child to finally grasp toilet training and you then have another challenge of ditching the potty. Limiting the number of transitions is key.
Get a toilet seat for comfort and a little step to support your child’s legs and to allow them to get up to the toilet.
Keep to simple language. Use the single word “Toilet” to state what is going to happen. If your child is non-verbal, use the word with the associated Makaton or photo image.
My son would not sit on the toilet. All the guidance on putting them on the toilet morning and night, and getting him use to it etc. didn’t work. His nappy was all he knew and it was working for him, so why change that? We just jumped right in on day 1. It avoided confusion of when to go and although a big change, helped communicate that this was how it was going to be going forward.
Become cleaning experts. Accept that your child is going to have loads of accidents, and this can be for a number of weeks before you even get one sucess in the toilet.
Let your child do whatever they want if they sit on the toilet. Let them watch the iPad while eating a ice-lolly and holding their favourite toy. Remember the main objective, everything else can go out the window.
Get a support network, you can’t do this alone. This includes family, friends, nusery/school and any other professionals. You all need to be following the same plan and sharing what has happened that day to ensure you are working together.
Forget hand washing (I can’t believe I typed that!). But seriously… focus on getting the wees and poos in the toilet. The tasks about pulling their pants up, wiping their own bum, flushing the toilet and washing their hands can come afterwards. Wipe your child’s hands quickly with a wet wipe afterwards and you can also add some antibacterial gel if you want.
Dont force anything. You may want to forcefully put your child on the toilet and shout “PEE!!!!” at them. I’ve been there. After a week or two of battling and struggling, you may find yourself doing this. But don’t. It will set you back weeks. Take a breath and get someone else to step in if you can. Otherwise just walk away and come back calmer.
Run the tap to tempt your child to wee, and make sure you get them to drink loads of liquid.
Get them to blow bubbles when on the toilet – helps with the poos!
Don’t worry about night time. Pull-ups go back on at bedtime, and then pants back on in the morning. Bedtime training will come later.
Give a reward for any small step or just encouragement. We used chocolate buttons. One button before the request (so he knew what he was going to get – he had the taste in his mind) and a second as a reward.
Don’t feel you can’t go out. Get your child to sit on a towel in the car and take loads of changes of clothes, wet wipes and cleaning products. Stick to outdoor areas and make sure you have a pack of anti-bacterial wipes and kitchen towel in your bag – to clean the slide or other equipment in the event of an oops moment.
Once you have your child going to the toilet start thinking about the other steps and add them on slowly, one at a time.
Print out a picture sequence of what is required, and point to the stage you are doing.
The whole process is going to take a long time. Break it up into small tasks. It will all be worth it.
Be creative and use your initiative. I have heard people planting wee trees for their sons to encourage weeing standing up. Use your child’s interests and remember the main objective – getting wees and poos in the toilet.
Don’t give up.

An example picture sequence to use when adding on the additional steps

Has this helped you? Can it help someone else?
Share with your friends or support groups.

Head to Facebook and leave a comment.

Autism Strategy

Planning for Success

November 29, 2020 AMe

Twelve little picture cards are placed sequentially down the wall. Each one in the green coloured section showing that they are still to happen.

I remember the process we went through to get to the full list of the day’s events. Initially I had placed them all on the wall and somehow expected Rhys to acknowledge the process – I was obviously delusional, or maybe just had a lot still to learn!

Three years ago we had mastered the first-then strategy. The use of two pictures to move Rhys between activities, communicating a clear sequence and managing the transition. Pictures became the basis of everything. I used them to communicate with him, reducing anxiety and avoiding meltdowns.

I would place little pictures onto a green card showing where we were going and what would happen next. Crouching down to Rhys’ eye level in carparks, shopping centres and play areas with my sequence of pictures got a number of stares from the passers by, but I didn’t see the on looking eyes, I saw my son and the need to do everything to communicate with him and avoid a meltdown due to confusion and frustration.

The miniature schedule worked extremely well, and I continued to use it in a portable fashion.

After a few months, I changed to a red and green card adding a few extra activities to the sequence. Hand-over-hand I helped Rhys move each activity card from the green section to the red section to signify its completion.

It didn’t take long for Rhys to master this second step.

Once comfortable, I implemented the final stage. I took the schedule card we had been using for a number of weeks and stuck it to the hallway wall. The perfect central location to communicate our plan. As the activities were completed, I would take Rhys to the wall for him to move the card to the red section.

He soon knew where to see his plan. Now consisting of over twelve activities per day.

As I finished making the dinner this evening, I spotted a mop of blonde hair walk up to the communication wall. The little hand reached for the dinner card and moved it across to the red, “All finished” he said. But he wasn’t finished, he kept going. Bath, pyjamas, brush teeth were moved across too, and then the hand tapped the last card, “Bedtime!” it said, and two little legs walked down the hallway and up the stairs.

Schedules can help communicate the events of the day, but they can do so much more, like communicating when your little one is done.

👕🍳🚗🛁🛏

Click here to get a step by step guide to schedules.

Autism Strategy

Countdown to Bed

November 28, 2020 AMe

“Rhys wash hair” I state, holding the little toy watering can where he can see it. I use simple words to explain what I am about to do, so he wont be taken by surprise.
“Ready, steady, go” I announce, and being careful to not get any water in his eyes, I lift the watering can up to his head, and start to count.

With every canful of water I count down, making Rhys aware of how long the activity is going to take.
“Five” first canful of water weting the top of his head.
“Four” the water running down the back of his head.
“Three” making sure the left hand side is saturated.
“Two” then the right.
“One” pouring the last canful on the top.

“Well done, Rhys” I say excitedly, wiping his face clean from any stray droplets of water. I take some shampoo in my hand and lather his long hair into a Mohawk, more for my enjoyment than his!

I then begin the process again.
“Rhys, wash hair” I say again, the watering can held high. “Five, four, three, two, one.” Lifting the towel to his face, I give Rhys a few seconds to breathe and reset. There is still a lot of shampoo in his hair, so when he is ready, I start the cycle again.

Washing Rhys’ hair use to be traumatic. Without any means to communicate with him at the time, it resulted in force and a close call to water boarding 😮 (or so it seemed). I had no way of getting him clean without a swift quick-as-I-could dunk in the bath. We both grew very quickly to hate an experience which was meant to be fun, engaging and relaxing.

“All finished” I announce. Lifting Rhys out the bath and wrapping him up in a large fluffy towel. His big blue eyes and contagious smile peep out from under the folds, confirmation that his bath had been fun.

I leave Rhys to put on his pyjamas, which I have laid out in order on his floor. Picking up the hair brush I wait for him to be ready. The brush is a pink anti-tangle one with unicorns on it, and actually his sisters, but it works a treat.

Kneeling down on the soft carpet and looking up at the dressed pyjamas I state, in the same way I did ten minutes earlier “Rhys, brush hair”. With each stroke I count “five, four, three, two, one”

Once I am done I scrunch Rhys’ hair into its natural curl, and give him a huge cuddle, breathing in the fresh fragrance of the bath.

“Sleep well Buddy!, you did great!”

🛁👨‍🦰

Click here to get a step by step on Countdowns.

I have used countdowns in so many ways to communicate time with Rhys and how long events are going to last. From hair washing, to brushing teeth and even during haircuts.

I use the Ready Steady Go technique to communicate the start of the activity, which is a great foundation for many other strategies. See more details here.

You can also add traffic lights to help with the length of the activity, and pictures or sequence cards to supplement the communication.

Be creative and combine strategies in ways that will be able to help you communicate and enjoy activities with your child.

Most importantly – sometimes things don’t always work first time, so assess what you are doing, keep trying and if needed, ask for help.

If you have missed any of the other strategies, find them all detailed here.

A&Me