Category Archives: Day Out

Autism Life, Day Out

Autism: A Word to be Feared or a Fear to Not be Mentioned?

The lady said ” Would you mind me asking?”

Which was a strange question, when you don’t know what was about to be asked.

But I knew, so I nodded and said, “Of course”

I knew because my son was struggling. He was scared and anxious of the walk ahead, a place we hadn’t been in a while. A place where he didn’t have his marble run or favourite shows for comfort, just the trees and the dusty path.

He was crying, so we cuddled him to reduce his anxiety. Taking only a couple of steps and then giving a cuddle top-up, a burst of natural endorphins to keep him on the right side of the boundary of meltdown.

The lady looked at us and smiled as she warmly asked, “Is he autistic?”

“Yes he is” I answered calmly, cuddling Rhys one more time.

“You are doing an amazing job” she added.

As we walked on a few more steps and the cuddles became less and the gaps between them became further and further apart, I knew we were OK. I knew where my son’s line between anxiety and way-too-much began and ended. It had taken years of trial and error and getting to know the signs.

Rhys had just needed the cuddle-support method to get past his first hurdle.

As we walked hand in hand I thought about the lady’s question. I want more people to ask about Autism. I want it to become acceptable to ask a question if someone is thinking it and give acknowledgement of the hard. It helps sharing knowledge. It reduces the fear of the word.

I knew nothing about autism five years ago. I had heard the word but never been given any context. If the word had not been so secretive and unspoken maybe I would have gained acceptance quicker? Maybe I would have been able to understand my son’s world sooner?

Once we got past our the initial tense part of our walk, the stroll through the trees was calm and engaging. We took our time and enjoyed the outdoors. A successful trip that had unfolded as a result of a cleverly thought out plan and strategies we had learnt and others we had created ourselves.

Well until I said “Rhys, I see horses”, and then he told me to bugger off in his own special way!

I guess we are still have a bit of work on the “I see” activity goal. 😄

Autism Life, Day Out, Toilet Training

Key to the City!

After the day I had today, I am officially getting the key to the City. A blue key that will open doors for us.

Literally!

We are in tier 4, also known as, absolutely-no-where-to-go zone. We had to get out, so realising that every park was going to be heaving I just said “stuff it”, pulled on my mask and hoped the outdoor air would blow any new covid mutations in the opposite direction.

It went well.

The boys scooted, scaring innocent bystanders with their Tommy Hawk style swerves, making them jump the required two meters in distance. I sweated as I ran to try keep up, screaming “STOP!!!!” in the same amplification of voice and tone as shouting at a thief running off with my bag! Arms and legs waving like a frantic lady unable to control her brood.

I make a mental note that Ugg boots were not the right shoe for this type of occasion!

But this was the norm for us. There was no stress, just fresh air and stares from the public who are not use to our unique family quirks.

The playground was crowded, but with sufficient space. So everything went smoothly, from shouts of “RHYS, DONT PUSH THE LITTLE GIRL” to “RHYS GO” when he had been sitting at the top of the slide for five minutes, a queue (not socially distanced!) formed behind him. He didn’t care!

It was all going extremely great until, “TOILET!”

I didn’t have the travel toilet with me, so feeling like we had been swinging and sliding for a sufficient length of time, I summoned the troops and we scooted up the hill to the amenities.

THESE TOILETS ARE LOCKED FOR YOUR OWN SAFETY said the sign.

Little do they know what is safe, when your six year old is screaming “TOILET” and does not do such things behind a bush!

There was only one option. “READY, STEADY, SCOOT” I shouted, and the boys pushed off from the ground and scooted like I have never seen before. The half mile race commenced. They swerved around the ankles of the slow walkers, dodged ducks and even did a few bunny hops over the not so smooth parts.

At the end of path, the transition into the car was record breaking, and the spinning of the car wheels, as we took off, made me feel young again.

But we didn’t make it!

The car seat was the worst hit, and Rhys struggled to accept the situation, crying “Jeans wet!” until I got him cleaned up and changed.

So I now have a key in the post on the way to me. A magic key that will open every disabled toilet in Britain.

Not sure about you, but that is a pretty magic key in my opinion.

🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑

RADAR keys are available to people with disabilities and can be purchased from your local council, www.disability.co.uk or many other distributors.

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Day Out

The Big Eat Out!

“Shall we get some food?” asked my husband as we walked out of a successful bowling family outing. We were all on a bit of a high from a family activity that had gone to plan. I looked up to see what he was referring to and saw a burger restaurant was in front of us, it was a takeaway, sit-down-if-you-want type of establishment. I assumed we would grab some food to eat on the go, as we have not sat down as a family in a restaurant for many years, longer than I can remember.

Rhys doesn’t do sitting down, waiting for food and social norms like eating out, are not part of his agenda. He will shuttle run up and down between the tables, and if the opportunity presents itself, he will run out an open door. There was once a situation where he didn’t want to sit at the table with us and decided to sit down at a table with an old couple who were on a quiet meal out. They didn’t seem to mind, but probably wondered what was wrong with us!

We find eating out stressful, and have therefore discounted it from family activities, resorting to a quick take away, picnic or lunch at home.

Until now. We decided to give it another try!

We took a chance, and as the food got ordered, I ushered our family into a booth. We all sat across the table from each other, Rhys included, and I thought to a picture I had seen earlier on my Facebook feed. I thought of families who regularly go out for food together, they snap a shot of them all around the table, conversing and enjoying a meal.

Here we were sitting, just like that family in the photo I had seen earlier.

Happy

We were however naturally contingency planning, knowing that our food could just be packed up and taken with us if something went wrong.

As we dished out the food, Rhys wouldn’t touch his hotdog, and pushed away the chips, but he sat there with us. He was happy to sit calmly and watch us eat, and look around at the sights of the restaurant. We all took our time eating our burgers and shared a strawberry milkshake, passing it around letting the paper straw get soggier with every sip (not the best decision!).

The environment was calm and stress free. A feeling of achievement washed over us. Our whole family out having a meal together, without one of us jumping up every two seconds to retrieve Rhys or calm him down.

As we sat, we took a photo. A photo that means more to our family than any other family’s weekly breakfast meal out. The first photo of us having a meal out together. The first photo ever.

Our first restaurant meal together!

We sat as a family eating a meal. The first meal together in a restaurant in forever.

There are no more words to describe the feeling of achievement and success. We are all moving forward in this scary world, and goals are limitless. Who knows what we will achieve next!

What are your experiences of eating out? Head to Facebook and let me know your story.

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Day Out

A Bowling Strategy!

“Rhys, what colour?” I ask.

“Red” he replies, and I help him hand-over-hand to lift the red bowling ball from the rack. We lift it together onto the guide, and after a joint chant of “Ready, steady, go” Rhys pushes the ball forward. It makes a perfect direct line forward to the central pin securing a strike.

Rhys’ calves demonstrate their power as he springs up and down in excitement. The movement of the ball as it speeds down the lane provides the best entertainment for a little boy. Rhys takes his second go, which is just as exciting as the first, leaving a few pins standing this time around.

“Rhys, its Jessie’s turn” I state and hold his hand we stand on the side as he watches his sister choose her coloured sphere. I look around at the lights that overpower the room, alongside the noise as the balls hit the lane and pins. It is a nightmare experience for a boy who struggles with sensory processing, but that is where this parenting game is complex.

The momentum of balls and thrill of the smash, trump any of the loud noise and bright lights. Rhys is in his element, this activity is everything he has dreamed of. We continue to take our turns, Rhys choosing different colours, vocalising the one he wants as he eagerly lifts it into his grasp. After his two throws, he waits at the side watching his siblings take their turns.

We took a chance a few months ago, and tried bowling. On the surface we took a risk on something that made no sense on paper. The noise, the lights, the multi-sensory input. But Rhys loved it, and it has turned into a family adventure that has guaranteed success. The thing is that we would never have known if we had not given it a go. The opportunities it has presented for development are amazing – from colour association, to turn taking, mathematics and sensory processing.

Always try what you believe to be the impossible. Try it with the expectation that you may not even get through the main doors, and you may be surprised. Our kids amaze us, and throw us curve balls all the time. The rules are constantly being rewritten and we will only work it all out by pushing the boundaries.

Rhys’ hell turned out to be his ecstasy. A place we can go as a family and have fun, just like everyone else.

Head to my Facebook page to tell me what activities you do as a family. What works for you? Is it something you would never have tried naturally?

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