Tag Archives: sleep deprived

A New Place To Sleep

I hear a sound through the darkness. It is quiet at first, then the noise gets a bit louder. I lie still as a rock, not wanting to give away my awake status to the occupant sharing my slumber zone.
If I just stay still and pretend I am in some sort of deep sleep – the game of patience, the game of who breaks first.

I am strong, I will not break.

The murmurs continue, and get loader, turning into a situation which confirms a wide awake occupant next door.
“Where’s Mummy gone?” come the shouts. A learnt phrase that is muttered in any event of stress.

I am beaten.

The request has come for me, and no matter what I say, my husband will use this request to his advantage. “He called for you” he would say, and when you have prayed for years for any ounce of communication, things like a shout for his mum cannot be ignored,

I literally roll out of bed, my pyjama bottoms having crept up to my knees during my previous hours of sleep, and my vest top is in some sort of disarray.

I ignore my appearance. It is 3am, so my fashion sense has no entry into review, as I walk sleep drunk into the room next door.

I look down at my little blonde boy in his bed. He looks up at me, love in his eyes for the person he has wanted.

I look back at him.

I have two choices, firstly to crawl in beside him, in the lower bunk and take my role in the mutual war to claim some bed space. I might get a few hours of sleep, and I am assured that Rhys will get some too. But the bunk is low, and I have been the co-sleeper in this bed for too many nights, I want to try something new. A deviation from the norm!

I want to try a suggestion that my other two kids request on a nightly basis, to which I give into every now and again. It is something that Rhys has done about twice in his life. Something bizarre to him, because bedtime and sleep is done in his bed. Because that is how it is done.

But I am tired. My bed is big and warm. An investment in a super king which was done for these reasons.

So I test the water. I make the suggestion. I hope for a change to the norm.

“Rhys, come sleep in Mummy and Daddy’s bed?” I ask reluctantly.

I suddenly stand in shock and take a breath. Rhys crawls from his bed, and takes my hand. Teddy’s arm held tightly, determined to join Rhys in his new bedtime adventure.

We walk the long ten steps to my bed, each step I hope that this is going to be the solution, but knowing changes to routine can be catastrophic. We walk onward in the dark, my hope to keep the sleepiness at bay.

As we reach my side of the bed, I lift Rhys into his newly found bedtime space for the night. I then climb beside him, and crawl under the covers, Closing my eyes, I hold my breath in the hope Rhys will settle and sleep.

As I lie in silence, a small arm suddenly wraps itself around my body, and all is calm.

A moment so small, but so big for us. My little boy wanting to climb into our bed, and being able to find it so comforting that he goes back to sleep straight away. Not movement or squabble.

It’s the little things that keep us going. The little middle-of-the-night cuddles. The little changes in routine which happen without planning or even knowing.

This kid is doing things his way, even at 3am in the morning!


The Club of 3am!

Being an official member of the 3am club, I want to introduce you to the top 20 realisations of getting up before the sun.

  1. You begin to ponder whether 3am is actually the middle of the night or just very early morning!
  2. Telling your son it is still “bedtime” is just a waste of energy, you are experienced enough now to know it is a waste of time. They are awake and to them the day has begun!
  3. Cbeebies only starts at 6am and although you have Amazon Prime and Netflix, replaying the same episode over and over again takes effort and engagement with your child. Engagement isn’t law till after 7am!
  4. It is difficult to distinguish between whether you are just really tired or actually ill. Both feelings blur into each other and your brain lacks the capability to segregate them!
  5. It does not give you more time to do things! Efficiency and tiredness are not multiply exclusive.
  6. Five coffees before 7am has no impact in preparing you for the day, just makes you pee ten times more before breakfast.
  7. You eat breakfast at 5am which means lunch is moved forward to 10am.
  8. You eat more due to running out of mealtimes with dinner shifted to the earlier slot of 2pm!
  9. You realise that a walk (to try and get some air) only leaves you panting like a eight-five year old on her weekly trip to the Post Office!
  10. In an attempt to push forward with the day, the eighty-five year old over takes you on her errands, so you give up and rest on a park bench. Sometimes you add a nap!
  11. Everywhere looks suitable for a nap!
  12. While you have a wee, you place your head on your lap and feel a sence of calm pass over you. Sleep feels good, you could sit there forever!
  13. You umm and aah more than normal on a work conference call, attempting to perceive yourself as virtually conscious and “in the room” while actually sitting in yesterday’s pants and lying curled up on the couch motionless! Loose woman is on in the background on mute with illegible subtitles blurring across the screen.
  14. You lack the ability to talk and find yourself making up new words, like ‘decisioning’, and believing they exist.
  15. You feel no guilt in thoughts of punching Karen in the face when she says, “I don’t know how you do it, you’re amazing”. The fact is we may look like we are, but realistically we would be more sober after knocking back ten gin and tonics!
  16. The culprit of the 3am wake up does not get affected by the lack of sleep, with energy levels continuing to increase exponentially throughout the day. This really starts to tick you right off!
  17. You have no energy to keep the 3am child up, as the evening draws nearer, the child passes out early starting a vicious chain of events whereby they wake up early again and turn 3am into the new norm!
  18. Takeaway for dinner on a 3am day is unquestioned.
  19. You only manage half the takeaway because eating takes effort you just don’t have.
  20. The children’s dinner takes all your effort to just throw a hot cross bun, pate crackers and a yoghurt on a plate, but your eldest son still looks up at you, gives you a cuddle and says, “It’s ok, you are still a good Mummy and I love you”. Nothing will beat that!

Rhys may have given me exclusive access to the 3am club, but I know I am not the only parent out there with those rights. 3am is just a time, and tonight I will be in bed by 8pm catching up on shut-eye ready to take on another day tomorrow.


Night-night.

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